So, it's almost Halloween. I usually stay home and pass out candy, because I like to see all of the cute kids in costume. OK, honestly I usually stay home, because we don't get invited to any parties. There, happy? And since I am stuck at home, I make the best of it and go all out with the front porch decorations, spooky music blaring, GOOD candy, etc. So after all of my efforts, is it too much to ask for a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T from the trick-or-treaters? Instead of voicing my complaints to my poor husband this year like I do every year, I thought I would vent to you poor, unsuspecting, blogging souls.
Complaint #1:
Really kiddos, MUST you cut through my flower beds? I know my sidewalk takes a hard right angle, but did trampling over my vincas really save you that much time? And parents, don't just watch ... this would be a great time to teach "respect for other people's property!"
Complaint #2:
OK, listen up, here's how the scene should go down:
You: (ring doorbell. Once will do just fine, three is the max if you are super excited.)
Me: (open door)
You: Trick-or-Treat!!!! (enthusiastically)
Me: Wow, what great costumes! You're such a pretty ballerina, and you're such a funny clown and oooo, scary pirate! (hand out candy) Here ya go, have fun!
You: Thank you!! (enthusiastically)
Not so hard, right? So you'll understand that when I answer the door and you just stare at me and hold your bag out, I'll just stare back at you until you respond appropriately. If I must prompt you, it will be, "Yes, can I help you?" Then if you respond with "Umm, Trick-or-Treat??," I'll say, "Oh, I didn't know why you were here!" And if you fail to thank me after receiving your delicious candy, prepare to hear, "What do you say ... ?" I know, I know, Halloween is supposed to be fun, but they're obviously not learning manners at home, so I feel that it is my civic duty to help these poor kids.
Complaint #3:
If you have facial hair of any kind that is not a part of your costume ... no candy for you.
If you drove yourself to my house to trick-or-treat ... no candy for you.
If you have hickeys ... no candy for you.
If you are trick-or-treating with a 3-month-old ... it's pretty obvious who is going to be eating that candy later, so no candy for you.
So there you have it. The rules are very simple if you would like to trick-or-treat at my house. Call me The Candy Nazi if you must, but I think my complaints are justified. What do you think? Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky this year and actually go to a party and avoid these annoyances all together!
7 comments:
I completely agree.
Trying not to laugh too loud at work! Ha! Jenna, teach those kids to do it right! If you don't do it...no one will! And, who cares if they don't get candy! What a fun power trip!!!
What a great blog post and completely justifiable! I do the exact same things ... it's drives me crazy when I open the door and get blank stares with open bags! Really? And I'll never forget the lady with her baby in a stroller that came to my house with a trick-or-treat bag. Hmmmm!
OH that was GREAT!
You had trick er treat already???
what the halloweeeeen???
xoxo
the infant crap kills me...
Love your rules about who gets candy!! Excellent!
You're hilarious. I enjoy your antics and your writing. :)
My 4 month-old WILL be trick or treating, but it's ok if I also have a 3 year old, right?
Erin,
When I said trick-or-treating with a 3-month-old, I meant ONLY the 3-month-old! Having an older sibling along definitely makes it legit! ;) What are your cuties going to be this year?
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